Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
nutella sex= disaster
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
