omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize