I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She's the barista slut.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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