proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
