dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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