I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
