it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
