Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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