He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize