Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
