My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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