YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize