I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
