At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
