You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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