just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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