The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
