I don't think brook has ever known best
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
