When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
honey bunches of taint.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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