dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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