Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
