What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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