you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
not ubering you a puppy
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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