I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Terrible idea I love it
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
