My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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