i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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