90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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