STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
