i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
