Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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