My first STD was from a foam party
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
