Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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