please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
