I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you traded sex for a burrito?
He passed out mid-signature
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
