Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
