i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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