I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
