I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
