someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
