My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Randomize
