end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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