i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
