I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
