At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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