While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
