I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
