please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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