He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You don't make any sense
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