i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
