great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
my phone needs a breathalizer
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
