OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
