If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
