dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
