We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
