I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize