Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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