so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I am available for nakedness
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
