I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
