Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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