Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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