I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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